How not to get lost in your loneliness

Sometimes we tell others that we are comfortable being alone, but our feelings, behavior, and radiation clearly say otherwise. The feelings of loneliness are something that is gradually killing us every day.

Like Aristotle, the legendary Greek philosopher said, “Man is by nature a social animal” (though not in the social media sense). Psychologically, these have not brought more connection, but more isolation. We see our lives exposed and because our brains begin to compare, the feelings of our loneliness spiral into a negative, destructive spiral. Even though what is exposed is usually not reality…

If we carry emptiness, we also radiate emptiness. And if you feel despair, some people can feel it, and then they avoid you.

Who’s gonna help us?

Honestly? No one. We can’t wait for someone to come along to rescue us from our loneliness. We have to do it ourselves. Remember:

“We cannot get our happiness by controlling others.”

Because happiness is not like:

“When it comes, I’ll be happy.”

You may not gonna see it. If you already have the seed of despair in you, then the time of deliverance in the “I’ll be happy when I have someone” way is delayed because no one wants to “get” someone desperate. Flipping it around, you’d want someone fulfilled and happy too. So why shouldn’t your partner get that?

Start taking small steps

Small steps will help you find happiness even in your current situation. Think about it as a preparatory phase for giving yourself to the other person at your best. And this doesn’t just apply to love, it also applies when, for example, children don’t visit their parents. If they hear how they are terrible kids every time they visit their parents, and the conversation or visit is carried in this spirit, they are more likely to prolong those negative feelings and avoid doing what they are uncomfortable with. When you feel comfortable, others will want to spend more time with you themselves.

Therefore, simply make a plan in which you are happy when you are alone. Choose good feelings. If you go out with your friends every Friday night but then feel bad on Saturday and Sunday, then just stop doing it. You have free will and therefore you can decide how you want to feel. Learn to like the state you are in now. And do it without despairing of being alone. Suddenly it becomes pleasant to spend time alone. You start to feel good, you start to radiate the good. You can read, practice some exercise, take care of yourself, study and educate yourself, create, travel… The choice is yours.

You can do all of this here and now. Without waiting. Without feeling helpless happiness will come when someone shows up. You don’t need anyone to be happy. And when you don’t need anyone, that someone will show up because they won’t feel like they have to give you something. They will give it to you because they want it. Free, without pressure. That will make it easier for them to choose to stay. Things are beautifully connected.